Ok, ok, so i have a thing for catchy titles… Jönathan is an online friend of mine – one of those people whom, upon cyber-meeting them, you think to yourself – right, all those hours spent surfing and browsing the www were not wasted. Because on occasions you get to meet people who, albeit living on the other side of the planet, have the same questions you do – and they come up with better answers faster than you ever could.
Like… remember that kid in the school who always thought of the right answer to some challenging question? And they would have already answered it while your own mind was wandering somewhere far, far away, absolutely incapable of an abrupt movement and verbal equilibristic bravado it takes for your thought to break through the surrounding confusion and shine brightly in the heavy classroom’s atmosphere?
Yeah, all of us had a classmate like that and i guess you can recall that feeling of amazement when they would come up with such perfectly executed, out of standard bookrules, Rocker Double Three, while you still couldn’t figure out how to perform a compulsory Circle Eight on the thin ice of your own corner of the skating hall in your head.
Alas, i digress.
You see, this is how it started – i had posted the following status update on facebook:
“I hear your resentment when you say “you don’t really have any problems”. But, you see, i earned this ephemeral easiness of being. You won’t guilt trip me about your own stupidity which led to the apparent dead end you are inhabiting. Don’t expect me to feel remorseful for being less vain and more self-aware than you are. And, all in all, save your anal retentiveness for yourself or pay a therapist; indeed the antagonism you are experiencing is none of my problems. There, i said it.”
I might come across as a cold blooded, cynical b*tch here… and of course, hardly anything can be further from truth. I am one of those guys who mustn’t go to the movies because my convulsive sobbing and laborious gasping over most pathetic of the Hollywood’s production upsets the audience to such extent that more often than not i am kindly escorted to the exit by the theater’s personnel, given Kleenex and a glass of water and placed in a cab which will take me home.
I have no idea how that happens, is it empathy or some kind of neurosis – or both, but the thing is that i have tough time differentiating between my own emotions and those of others. That, in turn, makes my personal boundaries so weak that more or less any trespasser can vandalize into my private space, unthrone me from my blissful non-attachment and send me down the whirlpool of emotions so strong, that it gets scary.
I did contribute to my “condition” by devotedly practicing kabbalistic Teshuva in tradition of famous Isaac the Blind – for years, each night as i would retire to bed,
i’d diligently recall all the people i had met and had spoken to during the day, while placing myself into their proverbial shoes.
And, in full honesty, i don’t mind the result. That kind of emotional shapeshifting became my modus vivendi long time ago and i am glad it’s so for when human motivation is understood, when you feel the abyss of pain behind some seemingly inconsiderate behavior … you can’t judge, you understand and forgive – those others and yourself in the first place. As spiritually uplifted as it sounds, any empath would tell you it’s actually quite simple – and indeed it is. It’s not that you are more spiritually advanced than others – it’s just that you get to a place where they come from and once you do, once you get out from your own teeny-weeny socially conditioned prism, where you arrive is – compassion. And i know that most who’ll read this essay will know exactly what i am talking about. ‘Alike attracts alike’, we all know that, but…
That’s how we get down to the subject of this writing – how exactly the ‘unlike’ gets attracted to your aura?!
How those individuals who feed on your energy and drain you manage to slip under your radar?
Is it because nowadays there is increased awareness about aggressive sociopaths, yet the equally damaging whining sub-kind is overlooked?
Is it because we learned to defend ourselves against bullying, yet instinctively feel sorry for someone who comes across as weak?
I believe it’s not instinctual – because in nature it’s the fittest who make it, yet knowing that the societies’ overall progress is measured by the care it takes of it’s weak – i think we get to the slippery ground where we confuse those less fortunate than us who should be helped – with those who should not.
I think it’s there, through that very gap, where those emotional black wholes squeeze into your life and start sucking your life juices, if not your very blood.
What i find genius about Jönathan’s comments in the thread – is the swift and succinct definition he came up with – it’s vampirism, you see.
I did attend workshops on energetic vampirism and psychic self-defense; i read numerous occult and self-help books on it, i did hours of grounding and visualization to protect myself… yet on occasion it still happens.
In theory i know the difference between Solar and Lunar energetic vampires – former being the abusers and latter the perpetual whiners and complainers.
I know from my Kabbalah teacher that i should distant myself from people with victim mentality, yet… it still happens.
We are pushed on that noble idea of the proverbial turning of the other cheek. We are perpetually made feel guilty for just about anything. We are thought that the ” meek shall inherit the earth”… and all of it so sublime, that even if you consciously refuse it – it’s there, all around you, that message that you should somehow sacrifice yourself. I beg your pardon. One should sacrifice their negative inclination – that’s actually the message there. And, of course, one should give of themselves – as much as they can, but without depleting their own sources.
It’s 1/10th you see… of your money, time – everything, that belongs to… GOD.
Call it Universe or Goddess or Spaghetti Monster – the point is that it’s not really yours, at least not all of it and that you need to give back.
But you (i, he, she) do not owe to people who choose to be abysses of negative emotions and only want to pull you down with themselves.
Their influence on you is the same as if they physically pierced you with a knife, and if you were exposed to psychic attacks, you know exactly what i am talking about!
The feeling of exhaustion, the tiredness, the depression, insomnia, loss of appetite, headaches. Why would we do that to ourselves?
Because the social conditioning is based on that, because individuals are too difficult to manipulate and because that’s why we are all guilt-tripped and pushed into submission.
And the brighter you shine – the more thirsty vampires you’ll attract, it seems to be a universal law – for Light seems to be forever stalked by darkness. I am sure there is some wise kabbalistic explanation to this all, but i need a remedy – an instant garlic- and-a-rose-branch thing to ward off the wanke*s – and i need it now!
So, i got Robert M. Place’s Vampire Tarot and did a general reading – the picture of it is attached; the busy coffee table in my living room is where i do most of my readings and castings.
The eye-catching image of the chained woman depicted at 8 of Swords is the base of the reading; it’s related to VIII Justice in this deck – and here is the perfect ‘outline’ for the reading – here we get concise depiction of the mental anguish i am describing.
Posh Knight of Swords is the gate card, in the center – and to me it says to deal with such influences ruthlessly as he would; far to his left is Van Helsing, denoting the Hierophant in this deck and to his right is the experienced Magician, who seems to be doing some banishing ritual under the waning moon…
Fictional Dutch doctor with numerous academic titles was not named Abraham by Bram Stoker by chance.
Except being life-long friend of Pamela Colman Smith, who created the most famous Tarot deck in existence, the author of “Dracula” was friends with two founding members of the Golden Dawn. (For further reading, see R.M. Place’s excellent book accompanying the Vampire Tarot deck.)
So what is amazing Robert’s artwork telling us through the multitude of hermeneutic associations in this very reading?
As i see it, to strengthen (Strength to the right of gate card) the Knight’s contagious idealism by making the right choices (Lovers to the left of the gate card), to use all the theoretical knowledge you have from various texts (Bible included) and to apply your magickal skills so to unchain your Anima depicted on the base card from that wall of shame.
With three Major Arcanum cards which came out in this reading, the matter seem to be quite urgent.
I’d use this opportunity to thank Jönathan K. for the long overdue in this case diagnosis – because, as all the doctors, Abraham Van Helsing among them, know – diagnose is the half of the cure.
Copyright ©2012 Lena Ruth Stefanovic, All Rights Reserved
COPYRIGHT NOTICE: THE VAMPIRE TAROT ©2009 by Robert M. Place, All Rights Reserved
ADDITIONAL COPYRIGHT NOTICE:
Death card seen in background of the picture is from Tarot of Prague published by The Magic Realist Press (Tarot of Prague©2005, Alex Ukolov and Karen Mahony, All rights reserved)
The Crowley-Harris Thoth Tarot is currently published by A.G. Müller and distributed by A.G. Müller and by U.S. Games as the Aleister Crowley Thoth Tarot
Vaudeville Tarot©2011 by Francisco J. Campos, All rights reserved
(Published by OKF, Cetinje)
review of the Vampire Tarot St. Marin’s Press, June 2009):
http://us.macmillan.com/thevampiretarot/RobertPlace
interview with the artist Robert M. Place: http://www.ata-tarot.com/reflections/06-05-09/the_immortal_work_of_robert.html
Great post, Lena! Is the spread you used here in the companion book for the Vampire Tarot? I have the set but I haven’t actually had time to explore it yet. If not would you mind outlining the spread please? Even without knowing the exact meaning of each card position, those card images still speak volumes in this context.
It’s really pretty scary how much damage energy vampires can do once they have their fangs in us. Yes, diagnosis is definitely half the cure and here’s to swift Prince of Knives action!
Thank you for commenting, dear Lisa! What a synchronicity – i was just reading your B*tch Please!!! Loved it! You are a genius!
Re. the reading – would you believe me it’s my first reading with Vampire Tarot?! I got a deck recently, had looked it through and scanned the book, and couldn’t find more time for it until today! I do love the way it reads!
There is a three card method explained in the accompanying book on p.212 and also tips for reading on pp. 214-215
what caught my attention was this: “1.Linear: the cards could show a story, which begins on the left and ends on the right, or the action could start at the right and proceed to the left. The figures will tend to be facing in the same direction, left or right”; and
4. The Central Originwhere the central card is looking directly at you and then the story goes from there to flanking cards;
i didn’t have the time to study it properly – but as i get it it’s something like a combo of Lenormand no spread-spread AND the TdM thing where it’s all about the directions and gazes of the figures!
Also – if you check the 8oS for example – albeit it has the scene on it (the chained woman), it does have a strong pip-appeal at the same time because the depiction of the eight swords themselves – above the woman – has a totally non-scenic feeling to it! See what i mean? So it sort of inspires you to read it both ways – TdMish and RWSish 😉 Add to that the connection to Bram Stoker’s novel and you get MY NEW DECK OF CHOICE FOR THE DESERTED ISLAND! It’s really complex, love it!
Wow! That’s it, I’m so digging my set out tonight!
And yes to the synchronicity. I’ve been de-fanging myself from energy vampires and other bloodsuckers lately and need to rest and recover now. I find humorous writing therapeutic 🙂
Thanks for telling it like it is! xxx
Thank you that you are, dear friend! Your essays also always resonate deeply with me, speak of shared karma! ❤
Lena –
Incredible post, as always! I think we can all see ourselves in the words that you write … they are mesmerizing! I love Bob Place’s decks … all of them! 🙂
The writer in me is most pleased to see the copyright information at the end of the post – just a s important as the content of the post, IMHO.
Kudos on a job well done!
Blessings,
Bonnie
Thank you, dear Bonnie! It’s been a while that i wanted to get Robert’s decks – but as we are not yet member of EU it’s really complicated! (No Paypal, Amazon sending orders by couriers such as DHL – where the postage costs three times more than the deck itself; then – you need to pay customs taxes here – so a deck of, let’s say 20usd at the ends costs you over 70 here!) But, thanks to amazing Halina Bednenko from Moscow’s Pryahi i got my Vampire Tarot! And, thanks to my friend from NY, Frances – i’ll have the Alchemical too! Do you believe me i dream of it? I see the parcel in my dreams as it’s making it across the world lol!
I agree copyright notice is necessary – i really wouldn’t want a fellow writer or an artist to feel disempowered, as i did today when i found out that not only my story was snatched – but that they even got wrongly my name and country of origin!
Once again – thank you for all the endorsement and kind words, dear friend and teacher! xxxx
As an otherkin as sometimes we are called, i feel an automatic antipathy toward vampyres. when i had a regular Tarot gig in a niteclub most of the women who consulted w/ me were either dealing w/ vampyre issues or struggling with the correct method of being a bitch. Which i identify w/ the Queen of Wands and Saggitarians. The secret of bitchiness (owning your power) is grace. the secret of identifying vampyres is that they test your boundaries, they do things that are a ‘bad sign’ but so subtly that you’ve glossed over a few before the first big one you can’t ignore. I have one woman friend whom i have read for too many times, she’s addicted to vampyres. Younger woman may learn from me enough to get away from the vampyre and make room for the right person. The vampyre knows that you are ready for love, and can make you feel excited and powerfull – a vampyre just as often takes the passive role in the relationship, it’s your potential they feed on.
Thank you for taking the time to read the essay and commenting, Kenneth! I do agree that ‘Overkin’s Guide to Graceful Bitchiness’ is long overdue! 😉
What I liked best is the way you contemplated the whys of the situation before turning to Tarot. And the nightly “emotional shapeshifting” really struck me in a good way.
Thank you, dear Arwen! I love it too, it’s one of the few traditional ways to practice kabbalah without the use of letters per se; it’s tradition of the famed Isaac the Blind and (for what i know) the last in his linage, student of his grand-granddaughter, Catherine Shainberg has book on it (“Kabbalah and the Power of Dreaming”); basically they say that if you do only that – you need not do anything else and you’ll achieve enlightenment in 7y… i don’t know if that’s true, but it indeed is the best intro into lucid dreaming… and that’s really a trip unto itself! 😉 Thank you for commenting xxxx