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Balkan, Balkan Wars, Chinese Philosophy, Kabbalah, Montenegro, United States, Yugoslav, Yugoslavia
I lit a candle this morning and i prayed to God, silently, for heroes, for America, for all of us.
On this day in 2001 i had just returned from China, was watching a movie and getting ready to hit off to the gym… when they started broadcasting the tragedy.
I was taken aback. My mother said: oh, this must be a movie!
I knew it, somewhere deep down, i felt that spasm in my stomach which told me that, sadly, this is for real.
Let me tell you what America means to me – beyond being a country where many people i love – live.
For an European intellectual – and an American intellectual as well, it’s rather customary to express certain cynicism when it comes to politics, especially to the politics of the only remaining super power (us having grown up under the threat of the other.)
As a linguist and as a writer – i use words as my primary tool of expression, as that very bridge through which i communicate with the world.
English language, which i started learning quite late in life, opened my mind for patterns of thought which were unknown to me in the culture into which i was born – and which i haven’t known in the cultures where we lived, which languages i learned.
It’s the language – its richness, its warmth and its genuine, innate positivity that opened up my heart in the beginning.
I wanted to learn more about the people who spoke that language.
As my own country, former Yugoslavia, started to fall apart, my own identity did too; it turned out i belonged to a people, Yugoslavs, who instantly went extinct , i remained without a citizenship, without cultural identity and even my mother tongue was not called the same any more.
As the remnants of former Yugoslavia were buried deeper and deeper, with them went down the communist system of values into which we were raised.
I turned to my Jewish roots to find meaning and personal salvation. It’s there that i understood what essential role US had played in the Jewish battle for survival.
I had studied literature under different system, so it’s later on in life that i came to Kerouac, Carver and Ginsberg – and they have moved my world and shifted my perception.
The movies, the music – the more i learned about the culture, the more i loved its people and identified with them.
Whichever interest i’ve developed – Kabbalah, Tarot, and even Chinese Philosophy – it turned out that i was looking in the direction of US – first Kabbalah Center, outside Jerusalem, opened in US and my teacher was there; people who wrote books on Tarot, from whom i learned – were there too, and even intellectuals from whom i was learning Chinese thought – were in US as well.
During the Balkan wars, my father being a dissident, we sought refuge in Montenegro, where his side of family originates from; during 1990ies every single thinking Montenegrin understood that we have to regain state independence in order to reclaim our history that once was honorable – and in order to break out of the predominant back then Balkan hate for no reason.
In 2006, after years of struggle , Montenegro is free and independent – for which , i dare to say, political support of US administration, and thus, American people – was one of the main factors that made it come true.
Thus, on this day, eleven years ago, it was not some country overseas that was attacked. It was me and my own life that was attacked.
In my personal history, i had died once, when Yugoslavia died – was it a fake construct all together, did it turn out for the best at the end of things – i wouldn’t know, but i was too young then to have any relevant influence and for my voice to be heard.
Two decades later, the world has changed, my own life changed and grew in a direction of which i never guessed, i didn’t plan on becoming who i am today, it happened… But, big part of it, big part of who i personally am is forever intertwined with American people.
So, i stand with you today and always with my soul and with my life and i say, in one voice with you: ALWAYS REMEMBER. NEVER FORGET.
Lena Ruth Stefanovic
note: this essay was written last year, on the same day… dates were changed accordingly, but nothing changed in my heart, nothing ever will.
That brought tears to my eyes, dear Lena; thank you. If we Americans learn anything from this tragic day, I hope it is something that goes beyond wars and fighting. We need to openly discuss instead of debate with those we think are different from us (or label “enemy”). My biological father was born on this day; he was a soldier (“dust off” helicopter pilot) in the Korean and Vietnam wars. This day is an emotional one for me for many reasons. It is so nice to know that all Europeans don’t think of Americans as arrogant bullies. There are so many of us who just want to live in peace with our brothers and sisters around the world.
I hear you, my friend! Omg, with our history of wars, i think we’d be the last ones to judge! 😦
May your dear father rest in eternal peace – until, in God’s willing, we are all reunited!
Love and Light
Lena
Loved this post – especially your closing note.
I cannot believe that I wandered off to work this morning unaware of the date. I was very annoyed with myself, let me tell you.
We were listening to the radio, it was the afternoon here, when it happened. It was BBC Radio 2…and it just seemed like a horrible, horrible dream. The TV footage, the constant replays…. We were plunged into a nightmare and we still haven’t woken up.
Ali x
thank you Ali… sometimes i feel dates, sometimes – not, please don’t be harsh on yourself! we need this spaces when we forget – to live and balance our own psyche… i also feel guilty too often, but .. you know, sometimes we just need to let go everything except our immediate surroundings ❤
Lena –
I remember this as if it is on the screen this minute. I saw the first tower hit, then the second tower (at that time I watched the news when I got off of the phone line), the saw the plane that was taken down by the passengers, and the attack on the Pentagon. I was stunned, horrified, speechless … all of those things!
Then to learn that the pilots had been schooled in the U.S.! What had this world come to!
Things will never be the same again.
Blessings,
Bonnie
((((Bonnie))))) Oh, dear – me the same, as if it was yesterday… all still flashing in front of my eyes 😦 Still can not – never will understand, never will get over.
One thing that crossed my mind on this aweful day (as I’m sure it did many other people) was that America’s Emergency phone number is 911 …
RIGHT!!! Ours too, i think it’s an international code actually!!! Can’t believe i missed it!
I am deeply touched by your post. I am reblogging Yugoslavia. Putting her back on the map with dignity and reverence. Sending light and love.
My friend, thank you so much for your words which moved me to tears… Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Reblogged this on realmanure and commented:
America, look how you are loved. May we all live in peace and equanimity.
Amen! Thank you, my friend ❤
Nice photos – like it
Thank you, Jorg! I like your blog a lot, will follow with interest!
Glad to hear, you are welcome 🙂
Thanks and regards
Lovely post! And a wonderful blog!
Thank you so much! I love your blog, am following with great joy!
Same back to you!